Thursday, July 31, 2008

Hot enough for ya?




Its hot.

Damn hot.

And humid. Actually, humid isn't a strong enough word – it's just plain wet. You know what your bathroom feels like after a long, hot shower, when you can't see anything through the thick fog hanging in the air? That's what it feels like when I walk out my front door.

Then the wind starts whipping around and it feels like I live in a convection oven.

Its so oppressive it's actually sapping my will to live – and my desire to even think about exercising. All I want to do is turn on every fan in my house, turn the AC down to "meat locker" and curl up in the fetal position in a bathtub full of ice until November.

Not surprisingly, my outdoor workouts are suffering in both frequency and intensity. Which has led me to wonder two things:

1) Does working out in the heat burn more calories than in cooler temperatures?

and

2) At what point is it "too dangerous" to vigorously exercise outdoors

To find answers I tracked down an old Q&A with Mr. Cardio himself, Dr. Kenneth Cooper, who just so happens to live in the same stifling soup I do.

As for question #1: Yes, working out in extreme heat requires an additional expenditure of energy. I figured as much, since doing the same workout today feels much harder to trudge through than it did a few months ago.

Exposure to extreme heat accelerates your heart rate. Obviously, so does exercising. This creates a "synergistic" effect, or as Dr. Cooper explains, "one plus one equals three." So compared to working out in January, I'm burning more calories in the same amount of time in July. However, I'm also placing more of a strain on the ticker.

Which leads to question #2: At what point does that strain become dangerous? Well, obviously if you're 97 years old with a history of heart disease, going for a 15 mile run at 3pm in August in Texas might not be the best of ideas. But what about for a relatively healthy fat man in his mid-thirties?

Dr. Cooper claims that acclimatization is the key. If you begin to sweat soon after starting exercising (or in my case, soon after you start thinking about exercising), your body is well acclimated to the heat. Actually, the sooner you start to sweat, the less likely you are to suffer a heat related illness. So I can safely say I'm well-acclimated, but that doesn't mean there's no risk at all.

When Dr. Cooper was in charge of Air Force training in San Antonio, several recruits from the north died in the heat. He started a monitoring program and found rectal temperatures of those not acclimated reached as high as 106 degrees after just a two mile run (remind me never to participate in a heat exercise study). He then developed a system based on the heat and humidity to gauge the risk of heat related illnesses.

His basic guideline is this: if the combination of temperature and humidity exceeds 150, you should avoid vigorous exercise outdoors.

Living in a part of the country where the four seasons are Almost Summer, Summer, Still Summer, and Christmas, this information is a little unsettling. For instance, at 8am this morning the temperature was 83 degrees and the humidity was 68%. That's already over the limit!?!

And although I'd like to to use this information to justify shelving my workouts for the next couple of months, the last thing I want to do is break this habit. So... along with making sure I'm drinking a ridiculous amount of water, I've made a few modifications to my routine: 1) I'm going later in the day - around 5:30 instead of 3:30. While its not any cooler temperature wise, the sun is much less intense and there's a lot more shade on the trail. 2) I've made my route a little shorter. I've cut a mile off my bike ride and about a half mile from my walk/jog. And 3) I'm easing up on the intensity. Walking more than jogging and dropping a gear or two on the bike. Maybe that washes out any additional heat calories I'm burning, but at this point of the year, my main goal is just to stay alive until the blessed cool winds of Christmas blow into town.

Monday, July 21, 2008

The Potted Plant Theory



Being over six feet tall in the sixth grade, I never had much luck finding age-appropriate clothing that fit me. While my friends ran around in Coca-Cola shirts, OP and JAMS, I was sporting a pinpoint button down from the Dillard's mens department. This had an obvious impact on my effectiveness with the ladies and added to what was already a considerable "awkward" stage of life. Imagine a kid dressed like a junior associate in a law firm who's too tall to play with his friends in the "ball pit" of Chuck E Cheese.

One of the few things that actually kept my weight in check in the past was the social pressures of "appropriate" clothing. I'm not talking high fashion here, but just simply being able to wear something that's currently "in-style." For instance, tight-fitting, one size too small shirts and flat front pants are a trend that's especially unfortunate for the fat man. I can only imagine how much worse this is for a female.

Sizes at most popular stores like Banana Republic and The Gap top out at a rare 2XL and they certainly don't take the freakishly tall into consideration. After that, the options get pretty slim (no pun intended). There's the Big & Tall clearance section at Steinmart or, God forbid, The Casual Male – which would be been fine if I lived on the Jersey shore and all my friends also wore oversized velour track suits.

In all honesty, if society didn't have any influence over me, I'd shuffle around in a Homer Simpson-esque muu muu house dress. But having to leave the house and go to work and see other humans out and about always provided just enough motivation to keep my weight somewhat in check.

But then I started working at home.

With no one to impress and no reason to leave the house, I'd roll out of bed and work all day in a t-shirt and boxers. Not surprisingly, my weight started to balloon. So much so that my biggest clothes started to grow tight. In search of more suitable attire, I stumbled upon the mecca of big man shopping in Dallas. Where many of the area's professional athletes shop, Rochester's is a store with very nice men's clothing that starts at XL and XLT's.

I was estatic! My rotund mid-section had been liberated, no longer bound and shackled by the restrictive confines of a 2XL shirt! I stocked up on 3XLT's and celebrated that for once in my life, I was able to wear "big" clothes that didn't come off a clearance rack. But then an interesting thing happened. It didn't take long before my new clothes started to feel a little tight. Did they get put in the drier? Did the dry cleaners mess them up? My bathroom scale revealed the true culprit – I'd gained weight. A lot of it.

This incident shocked me into dropping a few pounds until slowly the weight crept back up. And when my clothes got tight again, I just went back to the store and bought 4XLT's. Comfortable again, I didn't worry about my weight. But it wasn't long before I started filling them up as well. It was then that I recognized the transformative power of clothing, or what I like to call, The Potted Plant Theory.

Many plants will grow to the size of the pot they're planted in. Plant a bush in a small pot and it will grow to the size of a football. Put it in a large pot, and the same bush will grow two, three, even four times as big. If it's got the room to expand, it will.

It's my belief that this same thing happens with fat people and clothes.

Fatties are all about feeling comfortable in clothing. And when something is too tight or too short or just not fitting right, it can have a seriously negative impact on our state of mind. Our natural inclination is to cover what we're ashamed of with loose fitting clothes (most of us are painfully unaware that this makes us look even larger). What I learned the hard way was that the more comfortable I was in my clothes, the more weight I gained. Simply put, I was just growing into my pot.

So as I lose a few pounds, I've found myself moving down the rack of my closet to some of the clothes that I haven't been able to squeeze into in years. If I put on that shirt that's just a little too snug or the pants that I have to take a deep breath to get on, I find that it makes me feel fat. And since I do not particularly like to feel fat, it provides a little extra motivation to stick with the Rehab Diet.

Thursday, June 5, 2008

Weigh In - 6/4




Its been a while since an "official" weigh in. Over the last month or so I've kept on the Rehab Diet, but with varying levels of intensity. Not surprisingly, my weight has fluctuated up and down (within about a 5 lb range). Overall, a little weight still came off over that time - which motivated me to refocus over the next four weeks before a vacation.

Today's weight: 274

Most encouragingly, I've now lost 30 lbs and reached the 10% threshold. A few significant changes I've noticed over the last three months:
  • My wrist watch fits like a bracelet and my wedding ring no longer cuts off the circulation to my ring finger.
  • I can wrap and cinch a standard bath towel around myself now. No more beach towels to take a shower.
  • I can blow dry my daughter's hair (a hot, humid, half-hour ordeal) without looking like I've run a marathon.
  • Overall, I don't sweat nearly as much as I used too. Despite what Matthew Mcconaughey thinks, I consider this a positive development.
  • I'm down to the last hole in all my belts.
  • I'm down almost 2XL's. 4XL looks like a pup tent on me now, 3XL is nice and roomy, and I'm actually squeezing into 2XL's.
Actually, I went "shopping" in my own closet last week looking for old clothes that I can fit in now. This got me thinking about the subject of my next post – something I call the Potted Plant Theory.

Stay tuned...

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

The Katy Trail

I thought it might be fun to create a "pictorial essay" of my daily trip on the Katy Trail (mostly because I didn't have the time to write anything this week). If you're feeling especially generous, visit the Friends of the Katy Trail site and donate some money for lighting. It might save me someday from getting rolled by a gang of hoodlums for my skips and my iPhone. Speaking of, I apologize for the picture quality - or lack thereof. The iPhone is many wonderful things - unfortunately, a quality camera is not one of them.

















Hazy, hot and humid. Another beautiful day for a ride...
















Knox Henderson Intersection - Try not to get hit by Mercedes SUV driving Park Cities soccer mom blabbing on her pink Blackberry and slurping a Mocha Grande Latte.

















Nice shade - perfect for those of us who are pigment challenged.

















No problem here, but somebody should chase down that dude on the unicycle that just blew past me.

















Further down the trail old railway bridges overpass the roads.

















Reverchon Park Overlook - Where I got engaged and was almost arrested for unknowingly soliciting gay sex (not on the same day).

















American Airlines Center - End of the line

















On the way back - up the hill this time...

















Knox Henderson - Again.

















I'd like to find the sadistic, skinny SOB who thought this was a cute idea and kick him square in the cherries.
















A special kind of torture. Almost home...

















With pleasure!

Monday, May 19, 2008

Back With A Bang





First of all, let me apologize to the faithful readers of You Have To Eat... (all three or four of you). I had a crazy month and have been on a bit of a roller coaster lately adding and losing weight. What I'm learning is that weight loss is as much about the management of time as anything else (more on that to come later).

That out of the way, I thought I'd recount a recent experience that underscores that a healthier lifestyle isn't just manifested in pounds lost. Allow me to explain...

I took my three year old daughter on a field trip with her school last week. On our way home I asked if she wanted to go to lunch, and being three years old, she spent a few minutes mulling the pros and cons of Chuck E Cheese, Chick Fil-A and McDonald's. She finally decided on McyD's and demanded that we "dine-in" so that she could spend some quality time on the playground.

Having not eaten at a fast food joint in over 3 months (although I did stop and get a turkey sandwich at an Arby's a while back), I figured Chick Fil-A would be my best option. But when I tried to steer her in that direction, I was told chicken nuggets were "nasty." So we ended up at McDonald's where she proceeded to order... you guessed it, chicken nuggets. Then came my moment of truth. Was I going to try to maintain some level of healthiness - grilled chicken sandwich or salad - or just throw caution to the wind and strap on a good old fashioned #1 combo meal? Like a moth flying directly to a flame, I never had a chance.

So we sat down to enjoy our meal. Her with a box of chicken nuggets, small fries and apple "dippers," me with a Big Mac, large fry and barrel of Sprite. Besides the fact that I somehow located the only McDonald's in the English speaking world that does not have a playground, our meal together was pleasant.

I must admit, before starting the Rehab Diet, I judged the merit of a McDonald's on the saltiness of their fries. Nothing got my fat blood boiling like pulling away from the drive-thru only to realize the "Fry Guy" was chinzy with the salt. Now maybe it's because I don't eat them two to three times a day anymore or maybe this Fry Guy needs to go back to McUniversity, but these fries tasted like they'd been deep-fried in salt, dredged in a bed of sea salt then doused with numerous shakes of an industrial-sized salt shaker. They were almost inedible. The key word being "almost."

So I'm choking down the burger and salt sticks when I get an uncomfortable pang in my stomach. You know, the one that lets you know this isn't going to end well? I fought through it, though, and was just about finished when my bowels cramped up - letting me know that not only was this not going to end well, it was going to end soon. Very soon.

At this point I should let you in on the dining habits of my youngest daughter. She might possibly be the absolute slowest eater on the face of the planet. I can down a chicken nugget without chewing. I suspect the average human eats one in two bites. Granted she's three, but this child takes five or six bites around the nugget before even thinking about getting started on what's left. She eats each fry, one by one. Every tiny bite of apple is pain-stakingly dipped in caramel. All of this as she repeatedly turns in her seat to wave to the homeless guy dining behind us or the table of day laborers in front of us.

At this point, I'm considering asking either one if they mind keeping an eye on her while I sprint to the restroom. Instead, when she turns away, I start eating her food. Not surprisingly, this does not help the civil war raging in my bowels and elicits screams of disapproval from my daughter. Finally, I can take no more. I scoop up what's left of her lunch, throw her over my shoulder and make a run for the car. Strapped in her car seat and covered in McDonald's food, she is perfectly content as we squeal out of the parking lot and race home.

Thanks to a Mario Andretti-like display of driving, I made it (just barely) and the ensuing assault on my toilet was swift and unforgiving. I'll spare you any further detail, but suffice it to say, I don't think I'll be eating fast food again anytime soon.

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Weigh In - 4/9


Another week - another 4 pounds.

I'm at 282, tantalizingly close to the 270's. For some reason the 270's represent some monumental threshold for me. I think that's where I feel like I go from being really overweight to "my God, he's going to explode."

On a similar note, I'm starting to jiggle again. Now, I know for most of you skinny people who've struggled with 5-10 pounds your whole life, jiggling is actually a bad thing. But for the good and fat, our bodies can get so big and stretched to capacity that they hardly jiggle anymore. So I consider getting to the point where parts of my body are actually jiggling around again serious progress.

On to Step 10...

Step 9 - Breakfast



Eat breakfast.
Every day.

Skinny people claim eating breakfast every day is one of the most important things an overweight person can do to lose weight and maintain a healthy lifestyle. Numerous studies show people who regularly eat breakfast lose more weight, consume fewer calories and fat overall during the day, exercise more and are better able to keep the weight off than those of us who skip out on the first meal of the day.

So if it's so good for us why is it so damn hard to do?

First and foremost, it takes time – something we all have precious little of in the morning. As much as I'd love to start my day with an egg white omelet with fresh veggies and a cup of oats, I'm not willing to sacrifice twenty minutes of sleep to get it.

Plus, I'm just not hungry right when I wake up or even before I leave the house for work. Which begs the question, why the hell did I used to stop for fast food every morning? As a fat man trying to shed a few pounds, it seems counter-intuitive to eat when I'm not hungry when I'm struggling the rest of the day to not eat when I am hungry.

But that's evidently the whole point. By "breaking the fast" in the morning, I'm less likely to gorge myself come lunchtime and I'm kick starting my metabolism for the day – something I must admit, scares the hell out of me. Eating begets eating with me, so I'm doubtful that having breakfast every morning will actually lead to me eating less.

Still, I've bought into the hype and have committed to forcing down breakfast every morning as Step 9. But what to eat? Much like everything else I've tried to do on the Rehab Diet, I know if I don't keep it simple I won't be able to stick with it. So it's got to be something I can make in less than two minutes and eat as I'm running around the house getting ready. Then it occurred to me when I read this article about the eight foods you should eat every day, that a certain frozen yogurt treat from my childhood would actually knock out half of them before 9am:

Yogurt
Nuts (Almonds, Walnuts, etc)
Oats
Blueberries

For those of you not familiar with the legendary Humphrey Yogurt from Counter Culture the basic recipe is unflavored real yogurt (it's got to have that twang), granola, fresh fruit and a drizzle of honey. To keep prep time to a minimum I've substituted the fresh fruit with a handful of mixed fruit (blueberry, strawberry, blackberry & raspberry) from a bag I keep in the freezer. It's quick and easy to make and tastes like I'm having dessert for breakfast.

How's that for getting a fat person to eat something in the morning?

Monday, April 7, 2008

Don't Eat That!!!













Or That! Or That!! And no matter what you do, don't ever eat that and that together!

Ever get tired of skinny people telling you what you can and cannot eat? Me too. First they told us to stop eating calories. Then it was fat. Then it was carbs. Carbs, they told us, were too easily broken down into simple sugars that wreak havoc inside our rotund bodies.

To make matters worse, these so called experts created the glycemic index – a handy little tool us fatties could use to see how everything from potatoes to oranges to carrots were spiking our sugar levels and making us tip the scales. Seriously. Carrots.

It's these kinds of absurd absolutes the diet machine spits out every few years that undermine the average fat persons understanding of food. By the time we've all purged our frigidaires of anything and everything orange, they've "tweaked" their warning by admitting what we already knew: eating a carrot is not quite the same as eating a handful of candy.

Remember Susan Powter and her truckload of potatoes? Has a particular food gone from canonized to vilified as swiftly and dramatically as the humble potato? Potato consumption in the US has yet to recover to pre-Atkins Diet levels — I still get a slight twinge of guilt every time I put a scoop on my plate. So we're eating less and less of them (except the french-fried variety), yet go figure, we're still getting fatter and fatter.

Could it be that the particular food is not the problem - the amount of the food is?

To tell a fat person a carb is not his friend is to take away one of his biggest allies in weight control. Not that I expect any of these nutritionists or trainers to understand, but when you're big, you're hungry. And what gives a fat person the biggest bang for the buck when he's hungry? Some good old fashioned carbs. And I'm not talking about the "good" carbs or even the "better" carbs. I'm talking (cover your ears skinny people) white bread, white pasta and white rice.

Yeah, I said it. But before you start in again, walk a mile in my 3XL shirt and then come talk to me about never eating a "bad" carb again.

Italians eat pasta all the time. The Japanese live on rice. Yet neither of these cultures has anywhere close to the obesity issue America has. Why? They don't eat anywhere close to the same amount we do in one sitting. A pasta plate in Italy is actually a second course and about two to three ounces served before the meat. Ever see the "bowl" of rice Japanese people have with their meals? It's about the size of a coffee cup – think old and porcelain, not the mega-latte-grande's we down every day.

Depsite my philosophy on the Rehab Diet, I don't believe I have to stop eating anything in particular (especially pasta and rice) to lose weight. I just have to eat less of it. This gal ate McDonalds for two months and lost 18 pounds. She wanted to prove with a little common sense, the documentary Super Size Me wouldn't have been nearly as entertaining.

My problem is I don't have enough common sense (or self control) to go to McDonalds everyday and not strap on a Big Mac and shoe box full of French Fries. But that doesn't mean I think the potato is evil. Or the bun or even the meat.

So what's obvious to me – but evidently, to no one else in the diet industry – is that good food is good for you. And too much of anything isn't.

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Weigh In - 4/2


286 and back on track - 4 pounds lost for the week (skinny people, please read this before commenting).

Full Disclosure: I've actually started exercising more than 3 times a week even though I'm not slated to start that for a couple more weeks.

As I stated at the onset of the Rehab Diet, my hope is that after the twelve weeks are over some of these good steps will have evolved into good habits. It appears that the exercise and water are starting to stick.

I've been exercising around the same time every day and a few weeks ago I started getting restless about that time on the days I wasn't working out. I figured what the hell, and before I knew it, I was going five times a week. I'm not holding myself to that until Step 11, but I'm encouraged by the fact that I'm "skipping ahead" even though I don't have to.

On to Step 9...

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Step 8 - Fish



Eat more fish.

Why? Just look at the Japanese. Widely regarded as one of the healthiest people on the planet, they live longer than the rest of the world and their rate of obesity is just 3% compared to over 30% in the US.

They drink a lot of tea (which I've already extolled the virtues of), eat a lot of rice (Carbs!?! A lot of them? And they live longer? Have American nutritionists gotten this memo yet!?!) and a ton of fish. The Japanese people make up just 2% of the world's population, yet consume over 10% of the fish.

The American Heart Association recommends eating two servings of fish a week because of the benefits of Omega-3 fatty acids, which:
  • decrease risk of arrhythmias, which can lead to sudden cardiac death
  • decrease triglyceride levels
  • decrease growth rate of atherosclerotic plaque
  • lower blood pressure (slightly)
One other benefit - a serving of fish is most likely replacing a serving of meat that's higher in saturated fat and calories.

Of course, not all fish are created equal. It's the "fatty" fish that contain the highest concentration of
Omega-3 fatty acids. These include mackerel, lake trout, herring, sardines, albacore tuna and salmon. Halibut, flounder and cod are not as Omega-3 rich, but contain higher levels than "lean" fish like snapper and catfish.

But just like everything that's supposedly "good" for us, there is a flip side. Fish can contain large amounts of contaminants, most specifically mercury. Some skinny people even go so far as to advocate avoiding fish altogether (although, this guy admits his real concern is for the "poor fish" being eaten). According to Walter Willett, professor of nutrition at the Harvard School of Public Health, the benefits of eating seafood "are likely to be at least 100-fold greater than the estimates of harm, which may not exist at all."

Good enough for me - I'm adding at least one serving of fish a week. And no, fried catfish does not count. I already checked.

Monday, March 31, 2008

Smoke Yourself Thin


I'm in bed a few nights ago, past midnight, wide awake. I'm jittery and antsy and can't seem to relax. The next night, the exact same thing. What the hell is going on?

At first I reasoned my new healthier lifestyle was simply resulting in an increased level of energy. I've noticed a huge difference in my energy level in almost all facets of my life. I used to think I was just a naturally lazy person. Evidently, I was just fat.

Still, I've been sleeping VERY well since starting the Rehab Diet and haven't had any trouble falling asleep at a reasonable hour (on average, about an hour earlier). Then it dawned on me - the tea! My restlessness started just a few days after introducing Green Tea into my diet. Could a single cup of tea with a relatively low amount of caffeine be keeping me up fifteen hours later?

A 1984 report from the AMA Council on Scientific Affairs states, " Moderate tea or coffee drinkers probably need to have no concern for their health relative to their caffeine consumption provided other lifestyle habits (diet, alcohol consumption) are moderate, as well." - (Ref.: International Food Information Council)

So my overall health is not in peril, but what about my ability to get to sleep at night? Caffeine is absorbed by the body very quickly and has a half life of approximately five hours which means that by nightfall, my body should be caffeine-free. Still, I decided to stop drinking tea and see if it made a difference – and it did. Since shelving the green tea, I've had no problems getting or staying asleep.

Maybe this is all in my head. Or maybe I was jacked up for some completely unrelated reason. Or maybe my body has grown hyper-sensitive to caffeine since coming off it. Whatever it is, I've decided the supposed weight loss benefits of tea just aren't worth the caffeine. Which got me thinking: If caffeine-free tea doesn't contain the same "benefits," are the Green Tea's and Wulong's and Oolong's and Wu Tang's that claim to aid in weight loss simply pumping a little extra caffeine in your system?

Early over the counter diet pills contained massive amounts of caffeine. As a stimulant and a diuretic, many have made the link between caffeine and an increased metabolism and suppressed appetite. This is no doubt why foods that contain caffeine naturally have been hyped as "safe" alternatives to aid in weight loss. Add an ancient Chinese proverb proclaiming it's miraculous benefits, and you've got a multi-billion dollar industry on your hands.

Unfortunately for those of us looking for a quick fix, the scientific studies suggesting a link between weight loss and tea come with a disclaimer: "by virtue of its high content of caffeine." In other words, this stuff is great, but no caffeine = no weight loss.

There's another highly addictive stimulant that jacks up your heart rate and is a natural diuretic. Who knows, maybe one day "Smoke Yourself Thin" will be just as popular as these Tea Diets are today.


DISCLAIMER: I understand green tea is chocked full of beneficial antioxidants that most fatties would do well to get more of. However, most of those benefits can be obtained through other foods (or even supplements) without the negative side effects of caffeine. Am I being way too hyper-critical of a little bit of caffeine in the system? Maybe, but coming off it was enough to convince me I don't want anything to do with it. Besides, as most advocates of the wonders of tea admit, just one cup isn't going to be that beneficial.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Weigh In - 3/26


My vacation from the 290's didn't last very long.

For the first time since starting the Rehab Diet, I've gained weight in a week: I'm up one pound and back to 290. This is no doubt a result of my weekend of debauchery, and quite frankly, I was expecting worse.

While frustrating, I was never naive enough to believe I would make it through the entire twelve weeks without a blemish on my record. Keeping that in mind, I don't see the need to unduly punish myself for the transgression. I'm over it, thankful I didn't do more damage than I did and ready to jump back in the saddle.

On to Step 8...

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Wheels Off


I spent a weekend at home (as in where I grew up, not my domicile) over the Easter holiday. Sounds innocent enough, right?

Until you find out where home is: the great state of Louisiana.

That's right, where excess is more than a word, it's a lifestyle. They eat too much. Drink too much. Party too much. Eat a little more. Drink a little more. Smoke them if they've got them. Then they wake up in the morning (or early afternoon), fix a Bloody Mary and start all over again. Length of life vs. quality of life really isn't much of a debate in Louisiana: skinny and sober is no way to go through life.

And while I tend to agree with that little nugget of wisdom, I left Texas with a steel resolve not to let the weekend get the better of me. Avoiding a stop at McDonald's for the kids on the way out of town was a step in the right direction. Unfortunately, that's about all that went well.

I overate Friday at dinner. Overdrank Friday night. Ate my body weight in crawfish, potatoes, corn and sausage on Saturday. Ate deviled eggs and birthday cake at a party later that evening (God that sounds disgusting). Overdrank again Saturday night. Ate two plates of lunch on Easter Sunday. Stole a couple of handfuls of candy from the kids baskets. And the cherry on top: stopped at a Mexican restaurant on the way back into town!?!

Needless to say, I broke several "Steps" on the Rehab Diet, and as much as I'd like to blame the state itself, or my food-centric family or some deep-seeded psychological issue from my upbringing - it was all me. Just big, beautiful me.

Most discouraging of all was that even when faced with what should have been a perfectly reasonable meal, I ended up over doing it. BBQ chicken and a lump of potato salad doesn't have to be a deal breaker. Refilling the plate three times does.

So was this the inevitable binge certain skinny people warn against? Maybe, although I think it further illustrates my point that simply eating less from a table piled with bad food is incredibly hard to do. Hell, just eating less period is hard enough for the fat person, much less when faced with the temptation of something that is less than ideal. I'm sure I'm not the only fatty whose mind fires off signals that once the seal has been broken, I might as well go "all in." Knowing this about myself, cutting out the foods that plague me altogether seems like the best course of action.

But I realize avoiding contact with these foods is not a reasonable long term option. Holidays. Parties. Vacations. Restaurants. At some point they'll rear their ugly heads. And while ultimately my goal is not to deny myself an occasional pleasure, I've got to get my brain wrapped around the idea of moderation.

I've got all or nothing down pat. Its the middle that's a bitch.

Monday, March 24, 2008

Step 7 - Green Tea


What's so great about green tea? Evidently, everything.

Besides claims that green tea helps prevent and/or alleviate the symptoms of depression, headaches, cancer, arthritis, high cholesterol, cardiovascular disease, infections and immune deficiencies, The American Journal of Clinical Nutrition released a study in 1999 that revealed drinking green tea can actually aid in weight loss.

I was pointed in the direction of green tea for issues relating to cholesterol because it's one of the few foods or drinks that actually lowers bad cholesterol and raises good cholesterol at the same time.

So what is the source of these miraculous powers? Green tea is rich in catechin polyphenols (or epigallocatechin gallate to be more specific). In semi-plain English – some bad-ass anti-oxidants.

There's quite a bit of debate as to what the ideal daily amount of green tea is - everything from a couple of cups to ten cups or more. Considering green tea contains caffeine (albeit, much less so than coffee or your standard soft drink), I was hesitant to start knocking it back by the gallon.

Luckily, there are a few decaffeinated green tea options out there as well, but I wanted to make sure none of the health benefits were also stripped out in the process. And wouldn't you know it, they are. I also found that "caffeine free" is not entirely accurate when it comes to green tea – despite the bold claim on the packaging, it's evidently impossible to 100% decaffeinate green tea.

So I've decided on one cup every morning, but I have to say this research has dampened my enthusiasm a bit for this "super drink." A) I'm subjecting my body to caffeine again for the first time in almost two months and B) it seems one cup a day might not be nearly enough to reap any of the supposed health benefits.

Still, I'm subscribing to the belief that a little bit is better than nothing at all and keeping my fingers crossed that the caffeine content in green tea is low enough so as not to cause the same problems I had with Coke.

zài jiàn!

Friday, March 21, 2008

Doing It "Healthy"



No, this isn't that kind of blog.

I'm talking about losing weight the healthy way, whatever that may be.

First, a disclaimer:
In no form or fashion do I advocate the practice of vomiting, laxatives, diuretics, stimulants or any other "fat-annihilating" pills purchasable off late night TV. To me, engaging in something life-threatening in an attempt to overcome something life-threatening is pointless. It's robbing Peter to pay Paul.

That said, it never fails - anytime I start a diet or weight loss effort or whatever, some skinny person is all too eager to let me know what I'm doing is unhealthy. As if walking around at three bills is? I boast about losing 4 pounds in a week and the bird-like pissant chirps that anything more than 2 pounds is unhealthy. Despite the fact that I can have a bowel movement over two pounds, losing any more than that in a week is somehow bad for me? Surely there's some law of proportion here, but skinny people preach this one like it's the eleventh commandment.

MEMO TO SKINNY PEOPLE:
We're all very impressed that when you try to turn your last five pounds of flab into muscle you eat six small meals a day and keep your weight loss to minuscule amounts. But if it's all the same to you, just let us go on our "unhealthy" way and keep your unsolicited opinions to your self.

Imagine: you've just suggested to someone that's 100+ pounds overweight that the effort they made to lose 4 pounds this week was not good for them. Wow.

I know, that's not what most of you mean (I hope), but if you'd ever been inside the mind of a fat person you'd understand what a comment like that does to our psyche. We're damned if we do and damned if we don't.

And the worst part? You preach it with such conviction – as if you're the first skinny person on the planet to come up with the theory. Consider who you're talking to here, people. There's not a damn thing you can "let us in on" regarding losing weight that we haven't already heard a million times before from a million different sources.

And you know what, maybe in the vacuum of metabolic nutrition it's perfectly true that losing over 2 pounds a week is... I can't even type it!?! It's just such an absolutely piss poor choice of a word. Surely, losing more than two pounds a week and waddling around town at over three hundred pounds cannot both be explained by the same word?

So short of skinny people keeping this little nugget of unwanted advice to themselves (fat chance), I'm proposing a new term for them to smugly use, since it seems to give them so much pleasure:

Losing more than 2 pounds in a week is unadvised.

See how easy that is? You still get to look like the smartass you think you are and our fragile minds are better able to draw the distinction between what is truly unhealthy and what is less than ideal.

That is all.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Weigh In - 3/19


3 more pounds and the 290's in the rear view mirror. May I never see them again.

Actually, I didn't know the 290's that well. They were really just a blur each time I shot to and above 300 pounds. And the several times I've fought my way out of them, it's been relatively painless and quick. Still, I'm hopeful I've fought that battle for the last time.

One other milestone - I'm past the 15 pound threshold. OK, so that's really just a deck chair off the Titanic at this point, but it's 5% of my body weight lost in six weeks. I'll take it.

On to step 7...

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Step 6 - Soft Drinks


My thoughts on Coke and soft drinks in general have been covered extensively in previous posts. Needless to say, I truly believe soft drinks are... well, needless.

A fun, related side trip: Death By Caffeine

To my credit, I've virtually eliminated soft drinks from my repertoire since starting the Rehab Diet. But there's one instance where I contradict myself and can't seem to shake them: as alcoholic mixers. I seldom drink during the week but my consumption on an average weekend night (usually just once a weekend) might best be described as "a lot" to "too much."

Yes, I know, that's a lot of wasted calories. And I must admit, the days I have the most trouble sticking to my plan are those after a night of heavy drinking. Plenty of skinny people have told me I have to stop drinking alcohol altogether to lose weight. Well, that's obviously another lie :-) I've lost 15 pounds drinking once or twice a week. But Step 6 still presents a challenge.

Since week one I've successfully avoided Coke as a mixer and switched to 7-Up or Sprite. All well and good for being faithful to the Rehab Diet, but the sugar and calories are still there (I've tried to switch back to Diet Soft Drinks and I just can't do it. That "fake" sweet taste completely repulses me now. More proof that the taste buds can be trained and re-trained!). So with ALL soft drinks now off the menu, what's a borderline binge drinker to do?

At first I reasoned with myself that a switch to Tonic Water would be OK. I'm a fan of the Gin & Tonic and that's not a soft drink, right? But that's really just jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire - Tonic has just as much sugar and calories as 7-Up.

So in the true spirit of the Rehab Diet, I think I really only have one option here (other than the "not an option" of not drinking alcohol at all): switch to water or calorie-free sparkling water. Or maybe skip the mixer altogether and switch to wine. Hell, I'm sure it won't be long before I'm knocking 'em back straight up! There's progress for you.

Monday, March 17, 2008

I Can Make You... Less Fat?



So several people have brought to my attention a new weight loss guru making the scene. His name is Paul McKenna and he's British and the name of his book/show/system is "I Can Make You Thin."

Really? Short of moving me to Ethiopia and restricting my diet to rancid water and flies, I will never in my life be "thin." Thinner? Hopefully. Healthier? God willing, but in the words of a nurse I once had, "Boy, you thick!"

Look at Oprah. Poor woman has got more money than most small to medium size countries, access to the best nutritionists and health food chefs money can buy plus a small army of trainers and motivational gurus and she's still not anywhere close to being "thin!" She never will be. And despite what this cheeky bastard claims, most of us never will be either.

This is one of my biggest problems with skinny people telling fat people what to do. Something as innocuous as the title of this guy's show is already setting up half of America for failure. But there us fatties go, snapping up his books like they're the last three shrimp in an all you can eat buffet. I'm guessing I Can Make You Less Fat wouldn't fly off the shelves nearly as well.

Also, I don't see anywhere in his bio that this guy has ever had anything resembling an issue with his own weight. Now don't get me wrong, not all skinny people are idiots. But let's say you need brain surgery. Are you going to the guy that's got some interesting theories on the subject or the guy that's actually done it? Exactly.

OK, rant over, on to what this guy is all about.

His golden rules are:
1. When you are hungry, eat.
2. Eat what you want.
3. Eat consciously.
4. When you think you are full stop.

Basically eat whatever you want, just eat less of it. Simple enough, and on the surface sounds reasonable, but I've got a few issues with it from a fatty's perspective (big surprise, I know).

1. Eat when I'm hungry?
We've established long ago fat people are ALWAYS hungry. But I can eat all the time and you can still make me thin? Excellent!

2. Eat whatever I want?
Isn't that what made me fat in the first place? Should I not at least try to mix in a salad or serving of vegetables every once in a while?

3. Eat slower and not in front of the TV or in your car.
Fair enough.

4. Stop when I'm full?
Sorry, I can't stop laughing... see number one.

I get what he's saying. If you only eat when you "need" to, don't plow through your plate and don't restrict yourself, you're much less likely to binge and you'll drop a few pounds. But make a fat person thin? C'mon. Plus, all of this is a helluva lot easier said by a skinny than done by a fatty.

Which leads me to his most incredulous claim: that his system requires no will power. Are you kidding me? I can starve myself for a week easier than I can shove away from a half eaten double cheeseburger or chicken fried steak staring me right in the face.

Personally, I have to get what's bad for me out of the picture. I'm not claiming I won't ever eat at a fast food joint or have a piece of fried chicken again, but once I start a step, that bad choice is completely taken off the table for the rest of the twelve weeks. Imagine putting this guy's same rules in place for a drunk:

1. Drink whenever you feel thirsty.
2. Drink whatever you want.
3. Drink consciously.
4. Stop when you start to feel a little drunk.

Sounds like a great way to kick the habit doesn't it? A true addiction or not, I believe most fat people's "abuse" of food is nothing but a bad habit. And just as bad habits are ingrained over time, good habits can be too. Cutting the unhealthy choices I make out of my life altogether one at a time gets rid of the temptations. Yes, it's hard. As hell! But like an alcoholic to booze, it's just not an option anymore.

Plus, I'm finding as I avoid foods that aren't good for me, I'm losing the taste for them. You could set an IV drip of salt, sugar and grease into me a couple of months ago. Today, these former "staples" sound much less appealing.

So, in conclusion: No, I do not think Paul McKenna can make me "thin" which makes him just another skinny person telling lies to fat people.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Weigh In - 3/12


Another successful week on the Rehab Diet: Three pounds lost, for a grand total of 13 pounds.

As I start my sixth week and the half way point of my steps, I thought I'd provide an update on my previous steps to date:

1. Coke - Have not had a Coke.
2. Fast Food - Have successfully avoided all Fast Food.
3. Exercise - Biking 6-7 miles or walking 2-3 miles three times a week.
4. Water - 60 oz. (at least) a day and too many trips to the bathroom to count.
5. Fried Foods - Just started, and definitely doing better than my past history, but have yet to fully "kick the habit."

On to step six...

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Step 5 - Fried Foods


If something tastes good, it'll taste better fried.

That about sums up my thoughts on fried food. Anything dredged in batter then dunked in hot oil = good times in my mouth. Fried Chicken. Chicken Fried Steak. Fried Catfish. Fried Okra. Fried Pickles. Onion Rings. And for dessert? Fried Twinkies, Fried Oreo's and Fried Cheesecake at the State Fair! Last, but certainly not least, the ultimate in fried food dining - the Hushpuppy: nothing but the batter, rolled up in a ball and fried to perfection.

This list of the five absolute worst foods you can eat, includes fried doughnuts, french fries, chips, and fried seafood. Funny, the only thing not fried? Soda.

As if the artery-clogging amount of trans fat in fried foods weren't bad enough, the high cooking heat can lead to the formation of carcinogens. Add the potential unhealthiness of the item being fried - like chicken skin, for instance - and you've got a triple dose of death on your plate.

So this is another one of those no-brainers: the less fried food I eat, the better. But while the other things I've cut have been relatively easy to do (minus my Coke withdrawals), this one is proving a little tougher. Skipping a trip to Popeye's or the all you can eat Catfish buffet hasn't been a problem. Avoiding fried "sides" has.

As I progress on the Rehab Diet I've started making healthier choices in my main course - Subway instead of a burger joint, grilled chicken instead of fried - but I've paid less attention to the side items. Now that fried foods are off the menu, I'm noticing how much of those fried sides I regularly consumed.

Worst of all: the tortilla chip.

As a resident of Texas, I'm required to eat Mexican food at least three times a week. Luckily, there are a handful of healthier options at most Mexican restaurants, including a dish like Chicken Tacos Al Carbon. Assuming they don't use too much lard in their tortilla's, it's a healthy enough meal of grilled chicken, pico de gallo and guacamole. The wild card is those damn chips. My family of four can go through 3-4 baskets at a sitting, usually accompanied by some form of cheese dip.

It has been the hardest temptation to resist since starting the Rehab Diet. On a positive note, this blog has resulted in a real world "intervention" of sorts. At dinner the other night with friends, a basket of tortilla chips was placed on the table. I was rationalizing having "just a few" in my mind when a friend (and reader of this blog) shook his head and said, "too bad you can't have any of these chips."

I wish for his slow and painful death...

Monday, March 10, 2008

Goals













Skinny people will tell you that you have to set a goal before starting a diet. You have to know where you're going in order to get there, they say.

A lot of people have asked me what my goal is on the Rehab Diet. Interestingly, I never really thought of one. I'm a big fan of making lists and writing down goals and keeping track of progress. I do it in my business and other areas of my personal life, and to be honest, I've done it in the past at the start of diets. But setting up weight loss goals does two things to the fat person:

1) It sets up the potential for failure, and 2) It creates the notion that once the goal weight is met, the job is finished.

I'll explain:

The fat mind is a fragile mechanism that needs to be cajoled, manipulated and even lied to at times, in order to keep the train on the tracks. Determining a weight loss goal at the beginning of this process - say 10% of my body weight - would have made me get out the calculator and determine what I needed to lose each week. In order for me to lose 30 pounds in twelve weeks I would need to lose, on average, 2.5 pounds a week. Certainly doable and not too far from the range skinny people claim is "healthy."

If you've followed my weigh-ins, you know I lost 2 pounds a week in my first three weeks. Given my propensity to lose large amounts of weight very quickly (albeit by starving myself), I can't tell you how discouraged I'd be if I felt like those measly two pounds a week fell short of some pre-determined goal - even if it were just by half a pound.

On the contrary, I lost 2 pounds that first week by doing nothing but cutting Coke out of my diet. Frankly, I wasn't expecting to lose a thing - I figured I was just making a healthier choice that would pay dividends further down the road. Imagine how giddy I was to see actual weight loss and how motivated that made me to continue?

A simple goal of weighing less than I did the week before I weighed in is about all I'm willing to commit to. Over the course of twelve weeks, I figure at the very least, I'll be 12 pounds lighter and better off than I was when I started.

The second issue with creating a goal weight is this notion that once you reach it, you're done. Nothing could be further from the truth. The number should not be the goal - the bad habits that are broken and the healthy habits that are developed are what I'm hoping will sustain my prolonged weight control (damn, I'm starting to sound like one of them). Slowly but steadily, over the course of twelve weeks, I'm changing the way I live, and that's the ultimate goal.

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Weigh In - 3/5


I'm very happy to report I've doubled up on my weight loss this week, losing four pounds and bringing my total weight loss to ten pounds! In celebration of the occasion, I thought I'd list a few things that weigh ten pounds to help illustrate what I'm no longer carrying around:


1) 19" Flat Panel Television
2) Five Reams of Copier Paper
3) Bag of Indian Basmati Rice
4) Dell XPS Laptop Computer
5) Lump of Beeswax

On to step 5...

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Food Porn


I've noticed something odd in the last couple of weeks - I've developed a voracious appetite for food related television. I'll watch anything on the Food Network (except for Alton Brown - I don't care why fried chicken gets crispy in oil, I just care that it tastes like a party in my mouth). I watch Hells Kitchen and Kitchen Nightmares with Gordon Ramsey (the Fox version doesn't compare to the original on BBC). I watch No Reservations with Anthony Bourdain and my Tivo is chocked full of all three seasons of Top Chef. I can't get enough.

At first I thought it was just a natural reaction to my healthier lifestyle. When stuffed to the gills, the last thing I want to do is watch someone cooking and eating more food. Now that I'm "less stuffed," I don't mind Rachel Ray's chipper abbreviations or Andrew Zimmerman's cockroach cocktails. But I think it goes a little deeper than that.

I think I'm addicted to food porn.

The fresh and often times, exotic ingredients. The sizzle of a pan you can almost smell! The colorful, vibrant dishes, plated just so. They make it look so inviting and so deliciously tasty and so.... I should probably stop now.

So the big question is this: is my addiction to food porn detrimental to my weight loss goals? Or can it, in some strange way, actually benefit me on my quest for a healthier lifestyle?

The way I see it is this: a skinny person will tell you the key to losing weight is never to let yourself get hungry. Had this skinny person ever actually been more than 10 pounds overweight, he or she would understand - fat people are hungry ALL THE TIME! If you're used to consuming 4,000 calories and 200 grams of fat a day, no amount of "small, manageable meals throughout the day" are going to keep you from being hungry (unless said meals add up to 4,000 calories and 200 grams of fat).

No, the key to a FAT person losing weight is learning how to embrace hunger. Getting to know the sensation for the first time in a long time and coming to some level of peace with it. Facing the beast head on and learning how to manage it.

Oddly enough, food porn helps me do that. Yes, I get pangs in my stomach after watching some of these shows. But its different than a hunger for Cheetos or Kit Kats. While many of these shows don't highlight particularly healthy options (damn you Paula Deen and your Krispy Kreme bread pudding), almost all are using fresh ingredients and cooking REAL food. Not the overly-processed and boxed crap I've been stuffing my face with for twenty years.

So yes, food porn makes me hungry. But its a hunger for real food using fresh ingredients that's actually "cooked" - not zapped in the microwave or picked up in the drive-thru. Hopefully that translates into eating better instead of eating more.

I've got to go now - Iron Chef is starting...

Monday, March 3, 2008

Step 4 - Water


Skinny people say you're supposed to drink upwards of 60 oz of water a day, or roughly half a gallon. And for one of the very few times, I agree wholeheartedly with skinny people! Its amazing how that much water cleanses your system, suppresses your appetite and fuels your workouts.

If and when I drank water before, it was bottled. Cute, little convenient 10 oz servings I kept cold in the fridge that were ready to go at a moments notice. And as I started step 4, I made sure I had a bottle in each hand every time I left the house. It didn't take long for me to recognize how many bottles I was blowing through as I tried to reach the expert-recommended level of 60 oz a day.

Now I'm no environmentalist. I'm all for the rain forests and spotted owls prospering, so long as neither one interferes with my God-given right to air conditioning. But the site of my trash can filled with nothing but empty plastic bottles really seemed ridiculous.

Finally, I hit the bottom of the well. With no Sam's run in my immediate future and my supply of bottled water depleted I did the unthinkable. I got out a plastic cup, filled it with ice, walked to the tap and filled it up. It tasted a little different at first, but (just like my taste buds adjusting to less grease and sugar and fat) after a couple of days, my mouth is none the wiser.

Despite my wife's insistence that she can taste the difference between water from the kitchen and water from the bathroom, I'm convinced 99% of humans can't tell a bit of difference between French mountain water, Ozark spring water and the fluoride-fortified tap water that's piped to our faucets for pennies a day. Oh, I know, you say you can. But put your money where your taste buds are – especially since we're considering the taste of a flavorless liquid here.

Water is water is water.

Except now its not "just" water. There are Flavored Waters. Vitamin Waters. Sport Waters. These drinks are 99% water with just enough aspartame or crystalline fructose or citric acid or vitamin supplement thrown in to make them marketable. Not a whole lot different than diet soft drinks - which also claim to be 99% water.

The manufacturers of these drinks claim they're helping Americans get their daily dose of water. OK... but most are also giving you a daily dose of other crap that it's either not that great for you or you just don't need.

So are these nouveau waters healthy? Some more so than others I guess, but overall, what's the point? Plop a multi-vitamin and a glass of tap water and save yourself the two bucks and 125 calories in a bottle of Vitamin Water. If you're a professional athlete, by all means, down some Gatorade, but is a bottle of Propel really going to be that dramatically more effective at re-hydrating the average weekend warrior than a glass of water? I think not.

So I'm saving those calories for someplace else, saving the earth (one tiny little plastic bottle at a time) and saving my wallet - all while I get my 60 oz a day. Which, by the way, is not easy to do. Considering I used to knock out a 48 oz Coke in one sitting, I didn't think I'd have any problem substituting water, but it really does take a concerted effort.

That, and a lot more trips to the bathroom.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Weigh In - 2/27


I'm starting to see a pattern here: Two more pounds. Not bad, but frankly, I expected more after adding exercise to the program. And even though there are people running faster than I'm biking on the trail I frequent, each day I get a little faster and go a little further. I will admit my clothes feel like they're fitting a little better and I've started to sleep more soundly.

One other observation: I now understand the concept of spandex and biking. If I get a stiff headwind, my XXXL t-shirt puffs up like a sail and threatens to push me straight off the trail. That said, I still don't believe spandex and fat people mix, although I've noticed quite a few people out there that have yet to get that memo.

On to step four...

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

On Your Right


If you've ever tried to enjoy a walking trail or drive down a quiet neighborhood on a Saturday morning, you've undoubtedly seen them. They run red lights. Blow through stop signs. And position themselves just far enough into the street to prevent you from passing. They travel in packs - or pelotons, I learned, after stumbling upon the Tour de France on some obscure late-night cable channel last year.

They're bikers – not the Hells Angels, shiv you for looking at my old lady type, but the leg shaving, farmer blowing, be-spandexed type – and they are the bane of my existence.

Unfortunately for me, I live in the absolute worst neighborhood to have an issue with bicyclists. I live three blocks from a 10 mile hike and bike trail. And my hood is evidently a gateway from the trail to the rest of the biking universe. In short, I see them everywhere, all the time. I've almost run over at least a half dozen of them and only a couple on purpose.

I knew I was in trouble when my first trip to the neighborhood grocery store resulted in a check out line traffic jam with two cyclists trying to purchase energy bars with their bikes on their backs. Inside the store!?!

So what's a six foot five, three hundred pound lover of all things air-conditioned to do?

I considered vigilantism. Allowing every biker I saw the full respect of the road until I witnessed one rolling stop, one un-signaled turn, or one improper lane change. Then, I figured running them off the road and into a sticker bush would be justified. Admirable even. I'd be an asphalt hero - returning the road to the SUV's and Sports Cars it was paved for.

No, I decided the best way to beat them, was join them. Now don't get me wrong, I have no misguided intention of becoming the next Lance Armstrong. I WILL NOT be shaving my legs. And I'm pretty sure they don't make spandex in my size.

To get started, I called the area bike shops, told them about my considerable girth, and was pointed in the direction of a mean looking bike with a sticker price just less than a small car. Of course, much like clear coats and floor mats at the auto dealer, I was nowhere near done. There was the helmet. Water bottle. Headlights. Taillights. Air pump. Gloves. Seat cushion. All this, and the thing still can't stand up on its own. I guess kick stands stopped being cool in the third grade?

Once fully geared up I took the beast out for a spin and I have to say - its just as fun as I remember it being. So I've decided to make a 5-6 mile ride part of my exercise routine, hitting the open road (or trail) three times a week. I'll be the one that looks like a baseball trying to balance on a toothpick. And if you see me weaving through traffic or ignoring road signs, by all means, take your best shot.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Step 3 - Exercise


One of my favorite skinny lies is "just get off your fat butt and start moving - worry about your diet later." This is obviously someone who's never had to slather Vaseline between their legs so they don't rub themselves raw after a walk. Now I know there are plenty of skinny people out there that claim exercise is an appetite suppressant. And maybe it is... to them. Take it from someone with "fat"hand knowledge, exercise makes big people want to eat. A lot!

A few years ago I was in a slightly healthier place and worked out with a trainer a few times a week. It was nice to get my ass kicked by her workouts and I felt better about myself for doing them, but I never really lost any weight. I soon realized the problem. A few hours after working out I was ravenous. So I did what any self-respecting fat person would do – I stuffed my face to an even greater degree than I would have had I not worked out. After a few months, I felt like I was just pissing in the wind and stopped the sessions.

So do I think you have to exercise to lose weight?

Of course not. I've already lost four pounds by modifying my diet. I suspect a fat person could lose a substantial amount of weight with changes to their diet alone. But even if you go on a Gandhi regimen, at some point your body's going to figure out what you're up to and will adjust your metabolism accordingly. I think these are the proverbial walls dieters run into after initial periods of success. I also think the best way to crash through those walls is by exercise.

So, if I know exercise will make me hungry but I also know I need to do it in order to ultimately realize my goals, what's a fatty to do? I figure the best course of action is to take it slow. Very slow.

First off, given my overall level of health (or lack thereof), I've got no business suiting up for a marathon anyway. I'll take a walk around the block. Take the dog. Take the kids. Hopefully, it won't even feel like I'm doing anything healthy.

Second, too many off us hear "you should be exercising an hour a day," and so we hit the ground with both feet running. Then the muscles get sore. The body aches. The boss makes you work late. The next day it rains. It doesn't take much to get discouraged and throw in the towel.

Third, my hope is that by not trying to turn myself into Jack LaLanne overnight, I won't subject myself to any uncontrollable cravings for mass quantities of food.

So I've set an attainable goal of three times a week for thirty or so minutes at a time. A walk. A bike ride. I'll try to do it Monday, Wednesday and Friday, but if the weather or life in general doesn't cooperate I should easily be able to make it up another day. And I will try to remember this - the majority of the people I see out exercising don't look like they need to.

My goal is to become one of them...

Weigh In - 2/20


Another two pounds lost!

While I'm sure my body is going through some sort of upheaval given the fact its been cut off from the saturated fat, sodium, calories and carbs it's grown accustomed to being stuffed with, cutting fast food from my life was surprisingly easy to do.

As an added bonus, I'm finding money stays in my wallet a lot longer than it used to and my car no longer smells or looks like a dumpster behind fast food food row.

I must admit, I stopped by a Subway for lunch this week (I know some have drive-thrus, but not in my neck of the woods), and I have to say, that Jared might be on to something. When you cleanse your palette of the grease and slop of fast food joints, a Subway sandwich actually doesn't taste half bad. Or maybe I should say, if you get hungry enough, a sandwich from Subway tastes like Filet Mignon.

On to Step 3...

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Step 2 - Fast Food


OK, so this one's a no brainer. Its bad for you – I don't need a degree in nutrition to figure that one out. Really bad.

I started eating fast food regularly when I started my own company. More specifically, when I started working out of an office by myself. A slight detour of my morning commute took me close enough to a McDonald's, Whataburger and Chick Fil-A. I started eating breakfast 2-3 times a week. Then lunch would come around. With no coworkers to grab a bite to eat with, it was back to fast food row, this time to Wendy's or Taco Bell. At first it was one or the other. But it wasn't long before there were days I ate breakfast at McDonalds and lunch at Taco Bell. Or breakfast at Whataburger and lunch at Wendy's. Worst of all, I was so ashamed to admit it that I forced down another meal at dinner with my family later that night. There were times it was hard for me to fall asleep I felt so disgustingly full.

So, without any real pearls of wisdom about fast food (other than don't eat it), I thought it might make for a little repulsive fun to view my fast food nutritional content on two of my worst days:

Really Bad Day
Breakfast at Whataburger
Bacon Egg & Cheese Biscuit - 500 calories and 32 grams of fat
Potato Egg & Cheese Taquito - 470 calories and 27 grams of fat
Large Coke - 410 calories

Lunch at Wendys
2 Texas Double Cheeseburgers - 600 calories and 37 grams of fat
Large Fries - 550 calories and 20 grams of fat
Large 32 oz Coke - 310 calories

This must be what I ate when I was subconsciously trying to "cut back" - only 2,800 calories and 116 grams of fat. Don't think it can get any worse than that?

Really, Really Bad Day
Breakfast at McDonalds
Bacon Egg & Cheese Biscuit - 520 calories and 30 grams of fat
Sausage Biscuit - 410 calories and 27 grams of fat
Large 32 oz. Coke - 310 calories

Lunch at Taco Bell
Nachos Bellgrande - 770 calories and 44 grams of fat
2 Soft Taco Supremes - 500 calories and 26 grams of fat
Large 44 oz. Mountain Dew - 510 calories

Wow! Over 3,000 calories and 127 grams of fat. And I haven't even eaten dinner yet!?! I think it's safe to assume that, including dinner, there's been a day or two when I've consumed 5,000 calories and 200 grams of fat. That's cramming about 2.5-3 days of calories and fat into one day!?!

So, there you have it - fast food = bloated death.*

*Before all you "convenience" food executives sick your lawyers on me, I know there are plenty of "healthier to almost healthy" options at most of these places. There's even Subway, where that former fatty Jared set up camp and lost two Olsen twins. But by the time I slather on the mayo, cheese and oil to make those cardboard sandwiches even remotely edible, I might as well be hitting the Burger King. All I can say is if it has a drive thru, I'm going to avoid it like the plague.