Don't Eat That!!!

Or That! Or That!! And no matter what you do, don't ever eat that and that together!

Ever get tired of skinny people telling you what you can and cannot eat? Me too. First they told us to stop eating calories. Then it was fat. Then it was carbs. Carbs, they told us, were too easily broken down into simple sugars that wreak havoc inside our rotund bodies.

To make matters worse, these so called experts created the glycemic index – a handy little tool us fatties could use to see how everything from potatoes to oranges to carrots were spiking our sugar levels and making us tip the scales. Seriously. Carrots.

It's these kinds of absurd absolutes the diet machine spits out every few years that undermine the average fat persons understanding of food. By the time we've all purged our frigidaires of anything and everything orange, they've "tweaked" their warning by admitting what we already knew: eating a carrot is not quite the same as eating a handful of candy.

Remember Susan Powter and her truckload of potatoes? Has a particular food gone from canonized to vilified as swiftly and dramatically as the humble potato? Potato consumption in the US has yet to recover to pre-Atkins Diet levels — I still get a slight twinge of guilt every time I put a scoop on my plate. So we're eating less and less of them (except the french-fried variety), yet go figure, we're still getting fatter and fatter.

Could it be that the particular food is not the problem - the amount of the food is?

To tell a fat person a carb is not his friend is to take away one of his biggest allies in weight control. Not that I expect any of these nutritionists or trainers to understand, but when you're big, you're hungry. And what gives a fat person the biggest bang for the buck when he's hungry? Some good old fashioned carbs. And I'm not talking about the "good" carbs or even the "better" carbs. I'm talking (cover your ears skinny people) white bread, white pasta and white rice.

Yeah, I said it. But before you start in again, walk a mile in my 3XL shirt and then come talk to me about never eating a "bad" carb again.

Italians eat pasta all the time. The Japanese live on rice. Yet neither of these cultures has anywhere close to the obesity issue America has. Why? They don't eat anywhere close to the same amount we do in one sitting. A pasta plate in Italy is actually a second course and about two to three ounces served before the meat. Ever see the "bowl" of rice Japanese people have with their meals? It's about the size of a coffee cup – think old and porcelain, not the mega-latte-grande's we down every day.

Depsite my philosophy on the Rehab Diet, I don't believe I have to stop eating anything in particular (especially pasta and rice) to lose weight. I just have to eat less of it. This gal ate McDonalds for two months and lost 18 pounds. She wanted to prove with a little common sense, the documentary Super Size Me wouldn't have been nearly as entertaining.

My problem is I don't have enough common sense (or self control) to go to McDonalds everyday and not strap on a Big Mac and shoe box full of French Fries. But that doesn't mean I think the potato is evil. Or the bun or even the meat.

So what's obvious to me – but evidently, to no one else in the diet industry – is that good food is good for you. And too much of anything isn't.