Weigh In - 2/13

I'm pleased to report that I've lost two pounds on the first week of The Rehab Diet. I've made no modifications to my lifestyle other than cutting out Coke.

This is uncharted territory for me. On my more extreme diets, it wasn't uncommon for me to drop up to 10 pounds in the first week. I realized going into this that the weight would come off slower, and I worried about staying motivated without those bigger results. But psychologically, knowing all I did to drop a few pounds was stop drinking Coke has me motivated to keep at it.

So on to Step 2...

Great Success!

I've never done heroin. I've been able to steer clear of crack cocaine my whole life. The only substance I've ever really had issues with is cigarettes and I was able to kick that habit in about 36 hours without any considerable adverse reaction.

Enter the devil's juice - Coca Cola. As noted in previous posts, my addiction to "real" Coke was brief but spectacular. I was a six pack a day user. I don't even want to think of the negative effect the buckets of high fructose corn syrup I downed daily had on my teeth, weight and insulin levels. I knew if I was going to lead a healthier lifestyle, Coke was not going to be in the picture. I also assumed it would be one of the easiest things to drop.

Boy was I wrong.

It started innocently enough, just a small headache sometime after noon on my first Coke-free day in years. It almost felt like an allergy headache, pulsing from deep within my sinus. By six o'clock, just moving my eyeballs from side to side produced excrutiating pressure and pain.

I felt groggy and tired. I felt feverish (although I never took my temperature). I went to sleep early that night, my head throbbing on the pillow, curled in the fetal position with a slight case of the shakes.

Could a soft drink have this kind of a hold over my life? Is 60+ ounces of Coke the only thing propping me up during the day?

I awoke the next morning with the lingering pain of the headache, still behind my eyes. Again, sometime late in the afternoon it became overbearing. I felt run down, but blessedly the shakes did not return.

All through my ordeal, I never really craved a Coke. I felt like having one might ease some of the pain, but it wasn't as if I had to have one. It wasn't until the day after a late night of drinking that I really craved a Coke. I substituted a Sprite, which has just as much carbonation and sugar, but no caffeine. At least it got me through the day.

So all told, it took me the full week to kick the habit. I'm drinking a lot more water, a Sprite every now and then (I'll be dropping all soft drinks later in the program), and don't really have any cravings.


I am pleased to report that I stopped at a Carl's Jr. on the road this weekend. I ordered the six dollar cheeseburger, a large fry and... a lemonade! Great success!


I think I'm going to like this diet...

Can't Lose Weight?

It'd be a whole lot cooler if you did.

Celebrities who expound on the tips and tricks that help them stay thin really get under my pudgy skin.

Exhibit A:

Sanctimonious poster boy of genetic perfection goes on a nationally televised talk show and says the secret to his physique is simply to "break a sweat at least once a day."

Really? I break a sweat getting dressed in the morning. I break a sweat walking to the refrigerator. And if its humid enough, I'll break a sweat just getting out of bed in the morning. And I'll be damned if I don't still weigh over three hundred pounds!

The point is well taken. Get off your fat ass and move a little. But to flash your best "aw shucks" grin, flex your substantial muscles and suggest to us fatties that all we need to do to look like you is go body surfing or do some beach yoga is more than I can handle.

Thanks for the tip.

Here's my advice for you: Try a little harder to find a movie role that doesn't involve tricking Kate Hudson, Sarah Jessica Parker or Kate Hudson (again) into falling for your smarmy ass and next time, just thank your parents for the genetic cocktail that produced your chiseled physique.

Good day sir...

Step 1 - Coke

I was raised in a "we're going to try our damndest to be healthy" household. That meant no "sugared" cereals, no candies or sweet treats and no "real" soft drinks. So I left the house for college with a pretty good handle on beverage consumption - I drank my fair share of milk and water and when I did have a soft drink, it was a Diet Coke.

Fast forward ten years. I'm married, my wife is pregnant and the doc is telling us the aspartame in diet soft drinks could be harmful to the baby and that its better to have one regular soft drink - caffeine and all - once a day. So I get home and clear the fridge of our doomsday-level supply of Diet Coke and replace it with regular Sprite (caffeine free) and some regular Coke.

At first the Coke tasted overly sweet and syrupy. I really didn't like it. Slowly but surely, my taste buds adjusted and trying to switch back to Diet Coke after our daughter was born was like trying to choke down a glass of sewer water. So the "real" Coke stuck around.

So much so, in fact, that I began drinking a Coke in the morning. I didn't (and still don't) drink coffee - I'm from the Coke generation, I reasoned. Just getting a little kick start to my day just like ma and pa did with their Folgers. Before long, I'm having a Coke (or two) at lunch and a Coke (or two) at dinner. Add that to my "starter" Coke and I'm on my way to a six pack a day habit.

Have you ever looked at the nutritional value (I use that term loosely) of a Coke? Check this out. The abridged version:

140 Calories per 12 oz. can and 39 grams of sugar (or high fructose corn syrup). That's right at 10 teaspoons of sugar! That means that the 32 oz. Coke at a fast food joint contains around 300 calories and 24 teaspoons of sugar (leaving room for some ice). And we haven't even gotten to the caffeine yet!?!

Bottom line, I'm probably consuming somewhere between 500-800 calories and 30-50 teaspoons of sugar a day in Coke alone. How I'm not a diabetic yet, I'll never know.

So with all apologies to the Coca-Cola Corporation, it's off with the Coke. Step one on the Rehab Diet.

The Rehab Diet

Drum role please...

Introducing The Rehab Diet, a 12-step program towards becoming less fat/unhealthy/whatever. Let me preface this by admitting I have no background in nutrition and I do not claim to be a weight loss guru. I am, however, medically obese and therefore believe that gives me the authority to speak on the subject matter. Keep in mind though, that this diet is brought to you by the same person who developed and tried the 3pm diet (eat anything you want, just nothing after 3pm).

So here's my new theory: you don't tell an alcoholic he has to drink to stop drinking. He just absolutely has to stop. That said, there are very few programs that advocate a gradual weaning off alcohol. Most employ a dramatic, cold turkey approach. I have tried in the past, with varying levels of success, to use a "cold-turkey" approach to weight loss. I cut virtually all consumption, as close to zero fat as possible and as few calories a day as I needed to remain upright. While I lost large amounts of weight very quickly, it's obviously not a lifestyle that can be stuck to and the weight slowly but surely crept back.

So my new idea is this - what if you took the concept of a cold turkey diet, but applied it over the course of 12 weeks?

Let me explain: First, pick 12 things you either do or don't do that contribute to your unhealthiness. These things can be obvious (I eat a slab of bacon every morning) or not so obvious (I always overeat at my sisters house). At the same time, some or all of the twelve things can also be positive (exercise 3 times a week), (drink more water), etc. Once you have your twelve negative or positive things figured out, you then put them in an order you think you can tackle, keeping in mind that some steps will naturally lead into another - exercising will more than likely lead to greater water consumption, for example.

Breaking up big things might also make sense. Obviously if you eat 3 fast food meals a day, you don't necessarily have to cut it all out at once. For instance, drop fast food dinner first, then breakfast, then lunch. Each time you drop or add something from or to your life, its considered a "step," and you tackle one step a week for twelve weeks.

My 12 steps:

1. Coke
2. Fast Food
3. Exercise 3 Times/Week
4. Drink 60 0z. Water/Day
5. Fried Foods
6. Soft Drinks
7. Green Tea/Day
8. Serving of Fish/Week
9. Breakfast Every Morning
10. Lean Protein over Red Meat
11. Exercise 5 Times/Week
12. Doctor's Appointment
    

What I've tried to do is gradually cut the truly horrible things I consume on a daily basis (Coke, Fast Food, Fried Food), then start adding in healthier things (Exercise, Water, etc.). Obviously this isn't rocket science - I'm doing less bad and adding more good. But by attacking it in this manner, I've given myself a tangible positive or negative to hang my hat on every week. My hope is that The Rehab Diet will trick me into adopting a healthier lifestyle.